after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
