I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
