just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
