Slut skills are useful in every country.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
