Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
