What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
