Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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