That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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