i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
