Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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