So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
