You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
