You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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