This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
