Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
