Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
