please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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