We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Girls should come with a carfax report
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
