Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
