Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Do vagina's smell?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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