somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
