He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
