So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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