ya dads aren't the best wingmen
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
