we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
