so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
