break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My hand turned me down
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
