I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
