Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
