i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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