Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
