I am spending my child support on dildos
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
