So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
