sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She announced her abortion via fbk
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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