I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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