I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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