then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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