Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

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(646): View more from New York

Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.

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(317): View more from Indiana

There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency

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(631): View more from New York

Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...

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(310): View more from California

I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.

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(757): View more from Virginia

So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.

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