Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is not my ceiling
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
