This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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