Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
