I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
