So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
