the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
