I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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