There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
