I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
