I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
