He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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