Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Someone came in the potted fern
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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