at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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